Walking Over Alice's Grave - Part 3

God Gave Us Our Memories So We Might Have Roses in Winter.

J. M. Barrie

Because of the war, transport was difficult.  It was a journey of almost two months to reach Shanghai, and I had spent so much time already doing nothing.  In Domremy, I had tended the church.  I had befriended a lonely young girl, Jeanne, and her pet wolf, Blanca.  I spent many hours simply staring at the sky. It had taken so much effort, to move, to think, even to breath.

Then the war began, and there were things to do again. Not much; we faced only thieves, who hoped, presumptuously, that the war would leave us undefended.  I would not have left Domremy if there had been anything worse attacking us.  My holy powers had grown throughout my journey with Yuri.  The townsfolk and I were a match for any who sought to take advantage of us.

This war must be what Albert Simon meant, when he said that the world had a terrible fate awaiting.  I wonder more and more often these days if we made the right decision, defeating him. Perhaps his way was better?  But, no. I must be firm. I did not wash up here on the tides of fate. I am here because of the decisions we all made. Life may have infinite possibilities, but that only means my decisions and actions matter all the more. I chose to resist the use Albert Simon had for me, in changing the fate of the world.  I must now deal with the world as it is.

            The first thing I did once in Shanghai was to head to the hotel to rest.  It took me a long time to fall asleep.  This was the same hotel that Yuri, Zhuzhen, Margarete and I had stayed in soon after we’d all met for the first time.  I had struggled to sleep; a few nights earlier, I’d been cursed by Li Li, and to this day, I find myself waking from nightmares.  I dreamt I was drowning, like Li Li had, and had awoke gasping for air.  Not wanting to wake Margarete, I had walked out into the hallway.  Yuri was there.  We spent hours talking about ourselves that night, mostly about our fathers.  That was what Yuri, Li Li and I all had in common – the death of our fathers.  That was the first time I ever saw Yuri vulnerable.  Remembering it now makes my heart ache, and I cried myself to sleep.

            The next day, I headed to Zhen’s bar.  Zhen had trained both Yuri and his father in combat, by summing monsters for them to battle.  I’d watched, almost two years ago now, as Yuri had proved himself worthy, in Zhen’s eyes.  Zhen had given Yuri a crucifix, one that he said came from Yuri’s mother.  That was the crucifix Yuri gave to me, and which I had left hanging on his gravestone.

            Zhen’s daughter, Quihua, didn’t recognize me at all.  When I told her I wanted to take part in the pit fights, she was amazed, and fetched her father immediately.  He bustled out of the backroom, a worried expression on his face.

            “Who are you?” He demanded, “and how do you know about the pit fights?”

So, he hadn't recognised me either! I smiled at him. "Let me try them," I said. "Then I'll tell you.”

"You're not with the imperial army, are you?" he asked, seeming both surprised and suspicious of me.

"No."

I knew why he was worried. With the war getting worse, Zhen was afraid that he would be forced to enlist, maybe even forced to use his monsters as weapons in the war.

He shrugged.  Perhaps he was thinking that, even if I were an imperial spy, I wouldn’t last more than a few rounds against his monsters.

After a minute’s further thought he nodded at me.  "Come through here, then."

I went through the door he had indicated. As I walked passed Quihua she grabbed my arm, and whispered hurriedly, "You don't have to do this!"

"I'll be fine."

"We can't guarantee your safety!"

Zhuzhen was sitting in the pit fight room. That made life easier; I’d expected to ask Zhen where he was after beating the monsters.

"Who's this, Zhen?" Zhuzhen asked, not recognizing me at first. I smiled at him, and a look of puzzled realization crossed his face.

"She insists on trying the pit fights,” Zhen answered.  “She says she'll tell us who she is afterwards."

Zhuzhen's face cleared. "Ah," he said. "I see."

I stepped on to the platform. Zhen stood in front of me. "Are you ready?"

           

I nodded my assent.

Zhen threw a few of his weaker monsters at me first, testing the waters. I dispatched them easily.  When he saw that they weren’t causing me any trouble, he tried summoning a wind shear.  Nasty, vicious little creatures.  I focused my most powerful magic on it, the spell I thought of as advent, and it was down.

From then on, Zhen threw his strongest monsters at me. None of them challenged me.

The final enemy Zhen summoned was Tindalos, and that made me think.  We had fought Tindalos in Bistritz; it was the monstrous form of Kevin, the mayor who had tried to steal Nina’s wheat seeds, believing them to be gold dust.  Kevin was dead; we’d killed him.  And yet, here he was.  In a strange and twisted way, he’d been resurrected. 

I dispatched Tindalos, having barely broken a sweat.  Zhen stared at me. "Who are you?" He asked, finally.

From behind me, Zhuzhen asked "Haven't you guessed?"

Zhen and Quihua stared at me. I smiled back.

"It can't be…Alice?" Quihua gasped.

I nodded, and Quihua hugged me, knocking the breath out of me. "Alice!"

"Alice?" Said Zhen, still staring at me in disbelief.  "Alice Elliot?"

"Alice Hyuga,” I corrected him.  Over Quihua’s shoulder, I saw Zhuzhen smile.

When Quihua had finally had enough of hearing about Europe and Domremy, and commiserating over Yuri, Zhuzhen and I excused ourselves.

“Alice Hyuga,” he said thoughtfully, as we walked back to the inn.  "I can't say I'm surprised.   He told me once that he would marry you as soon as it was all over."

"I didn't know that," I confessed. "I was concerned that he might object."

Sometimes, in my darkest moments, I’d convinced myself that Yuri had never loved me as I loved him.  Then I felt ashamed of myself for doubting him.

"Yuri loved you,” Zhuzhen reassured me.  I blinked away a wash of tears at his use of the past tense.  Desperate to change the subject, I asked what he’d been up to.

A few hours later, over a meal in the inn, we’d finally caught up with each other.  It was only then, as darkness crept over Shanghai, that I finally got up the courage to ask him what I’d travelled nearly six thousand miles to ask.  If he’d help me to raise the dead; to bring Yuri back.

Zhuzhen sat in silence for a long time once I’d said it.  I knew what I was asking him.  Koudelka had told me what Patrick did to raise Elaine.  I’d seen myself how many people Jack had slaughtered to try to raise his mother.  I could only hope that the combined powers of Zhuzhen and I would be enough without the enhancements of murderous black magic.

 "I'm not going to stop you," he said finally. I was grateful.  It wasn’t an offer to help, but it was a start.

"I had a thought about Zhen's pit monsters…"

"No!” Zhuzhen said, suddenly, harshly.  Then, more softly “He only summons a memory of creatures he, or those he knows have fought.  If he brought any form of Yuri back, it would only be a copy of the Yuri we fought in Bistritz."

            “As long as it’s Yuri, I don’t care what state he’s in!"

He shook his head, sadly.  "It wouldn’t be Yuri, Alice.  It would be a monster in a body that looked like Yuri's."

I teared up again.  I’d known it was a stupid idea, but still, I’d dared to hope it could really be that easy

.

We sat silently for a while longer.

"…have you asked Roger for the émigré…?” Zhuzhen asked.  He seemed almost afraid of my answer.

"I’m leaving the émigré as a last resort,” I said.  “I don’t want to sacrifice anyone.  Before I do anything like that, I want to speak to Yuri, to ask what he wants me to do.”

"I see.”

"We both know souls with regrets stay on this plane, as ghosts.  If Yuri were…if Yuri had regrets, I thought he might be near his parent’s graves.  I thought you might know where they were.”

Zhuzhen thought for a moment.  "I know Ben didn’t have one,” he said, thinking out loud.

"Ben?"

"Yuri’s father, Jinpachiro. Ben was his nickname,"

"Ah. I didn’t think he would. What about Anne? She'd be buried in the village where she died, wouldn't she?"

“If she were buried.  She was torn apart by her possessed neighbours.”

"I remember Yuri telling me.  The first time he used his fusion powers was to tear them apart.”

Yuri had spent the night alone, hugging his mother’s dead body to him.  My eyes filled with tears again as I thought of that small child, and of the man he grew into, but I tried to hold them back.  Then I remembered him playing with a puppy in Fengtian, and I couldn’t hold back any longer.

Zhuzhen hugged me and murmured soothing noises. "There, there,"

I gulped. "Zhuzhen, what if I'm doing the wrong thing trying to bring him back? Maybe he’s happy in heaven with his parents."

"The kid was too young to die, Alice,” Zhuzhen said, surprising me with how strongly he seemed to feel about it.  “He was taken from us.  He should have lived a long and happy life; he deserved to.  And if we can, I want him back too.”

When I’d sobbed enough, and was able to talk, I said "My uncle Geppeto keeps telling me to keep my chin up, that I'll find someone else, that I'm still young. He doesn't seem to realise that that's not the point. I don't just want a man, or someone to love, I want Yuri!"

"I know, Alice, I know. Geppeto never saw you two together, did he?"

I shook my head.

"Well, anyone who did would realise that you were – are – meant to be together.  Some people are.”

I nodded.  I couldn’t speak.

"In my experience, there are some loves you can get over and some that you can’t.  I don’t think Yuri would have survived without you.  I don’t know if you can survive without him, but I know you’ll never move on unless you do everything you can to bring him back.”

" If I'd never known Yuri,” I began, hesitantly, “I could have had an ordinary fairly happy life. I could have married, had children, grown old and died.  It wouldn’t have been a bad life.”

I brushed tears from my eyes, and continued.  “But with Yuri, I was so…fantastically happy. Even when we were fighting for our lives, I could be happy as long as we were together. And, to me, one minute of that is worth a million of those lives I could have had.”  I sniffed. "And now…I can't go back! I can't be happy with 'happy enough'! Oh, god, I just want Yuri back.  I’d give anything to have Yuri back!"

"I know, Alice." Zhuzhen said, sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break down like that." I wiped my tears away with my hand, and stood up, looking through the drawers of the hotel room for a tissue.

"I was in love like you once.”

"You were?” I ask, and then I’m embarrassed at myself for sounding surprised.  Zhuzhen doesn’t notice; he is lost in thought.

"Yes. We were…very young.  I'd have been fourteen or so.  I grew up in a small village, and everyone expected me to marry the girl next door.  She was the only girl close to my age within fifty miles.  She wasn’t a bad girl; she was my happy enough.”

I watch Zhuzhen.  He is lost to me, staring back over the years to a past I never suspected.

 “A circus came to our village.  There was an acrobat, a girl my age.  I loved her the moment I saw her. That night I waited outside the circus tent, just to meet her, to speak with her. We spent a week or two like that, meeting at night.  When she told me that she felt the same way about me as I did about her, it was the single happiest moment of my life."

"What  happened?"

"We agreed to run away together; she wanted to escape the circus, and I was ashamed to let down my family.  The night we were supposed to leave…”  He trails off, his face bleak.

"What happened?"

"A monster attacked the circus in the night, they said. Killed her."

I gasped, “oh, Zhuzhen!” I couldn't think of any words good enough to express my sorrow.

"I went to see the circus owner. I decided that if I couldn't have her, I would join the circus, travel with the people she had known. But when the circus owner realized that I was the boy she’d planned to run away with, he told me that he was the one who had killed her."

"Oh, how horrible!"

"He told me it was my fault; if she hadn’t tried to leave, he would never have had to kill her.  He was insane; he pulled out a sword and tried to kill me.”

"So what did you do?"

"That was the first time I ever used magic; I didn’t know I could until that day.  I killed him.  I couldn’t stay.  I ransacked his rooms, stole all his valuables, and then stole his horse. Picked a direction and started moving. I was halfway to Shanghai before I could gather my wits about me. Then I slid off the horse and cried. Finally I picked myself up, and rode the rest of the way to Shanghai."

Neither of us speak for a moment.  “I never went home,” Zhuzhen finishes, finally.  “I couldn’t.  I couldn’t face my family, and I couldn’t bear to go back to the place where she’d died.  I still have her scarf.”

            He shows me; the scarf is knotted around his waist, hidden under his tunic.

"What was her name?" I ask.

"Abasea. She was Italian. A little younger than me, slightly shorter, dark hair, olive skin, and the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen. She had a little beauty spot, just there," he said, indicating a place high on his left cheekbone. "She had a waist I could put my hands around, and she looked half-starved, but nonetheless, she was the most beautiful creature in existence. All I wanted to do was pick her up and hide her away from the world, keep her safe and protected. She had a slight accent, and she didn't speak Chinese at all well, but we understood each other well enough. Her favourite food was apples."

"You still remember…" I said wonderingly.

"Yes," he said, "And I would have revived her in a heartbeat, if I‘d ever thought it was possible.”  He sighed. "I shall be seeing her soon anyway,"

"Zhuzhen!"

He waved a hand dismissively. "I'm getting old, Alice. I shall be glad to go."

"Zhuzhen…"

"Alice…Whenever we reached a new town, and Yuri and I went looking for better armour or stronger weapons, Yuri would always look for something to protect you, first.  If it was a choice between himself or you, he would always choose you."

"I never knew."

"I don't think he knew himself. He did it automatically. If I'd pointed it out he wouldn't have believed it, would have said it was coincidence, but it wasn't…"

We were silent again.  This conversation was not an easy one.

"Thank you," I said eventually. 

            “I don’t know where Yuri grew up,” Zhuzhen told me.  “I’m sorry.  I don’t know where Anne died.”

"It's all right.” I said. "Can you think of anywhere else we could try?"

"Have you asked Koudelka?  She’s much more powerful than I am, and she’s channeled the spirits of the dead before."

"I don't want to disturb her.  Besides, Koudelka has her ways of contacting me – she’d tell me if she knew anything." I sighed. "He's not at his grave; I would have sensed him. He's not where he died, either."

"Are you sure?"

"I've caught that train again a few times. I know it's the same one. I checked every carriage. I checked the stations we went through."

            I hadn’t known the exact moment of Yuri’s death.  I’d stopped at every station and searched for him, because I knew he could have died anywhere along the route, while I was sleeping in his arms.

"Last time Margarite was here, she told me about the Fort of Regrets – have you heard of it?"

"The Fort of Regrets? No, where is it?"

"It's on Isle St. Marguerite, just off the coast of Cannes. It's said to be where the dead who have regrets go."

"It’s worth a try,” I said, trying to sound optimistic.

"Until we think of something else,” Zhuzen said.  “Speaking of Margarite, are you going to ask her to go with you too?"

"Too? You're coming?"

"Of course! I could never pass up an opportunity like this!"

"Oh Zhuzhen, thank you,” I say. I knew he’d loved Yuri in his own way, but I’d hardly dared hope that he’d help me.  “Yes, I did want Margarite's help, but I have no idea where she is."

He blinked at me in surprised. "I thought you knew."

"Knew what?"

"She's here!"

Future Learn: Begin Programming Your First Android Game

Future Learn are running a course from the University of Reading on programming an Android game.  It's a seven week course, which they estimate will take about three hours of your time a week, and it started yesterday, so if you start now, you won't need to catch up.

Week one is mostly about downloading the android emulator, so you can program on a laptop.  Tip; unzip the ADK using 7-zip, especially if it asks you for a password.  It doesn't need a password, but the default windows unzipper can't handle files with titles that long, or something like that.  Either way, unzipping with 7-zip got rid of all my error messages.

As far as I can tell, the basic format of the course is; they give you the barebones code of the game, then show you how to modify it, thereby teaching you what each bit does.  It's all in java.  I'm mostly focused on learning Python, but you can't really help learning a bit of java along the way, whichever language you focus on.

You don't need to own an android device or have any prior knowledge of programming at all.  You do need to have some computer skills in the sense of googling error messages and hoping, or at least, that's what I've had to use so far in unzipping that damn ADK.

I'll give you more updates as I get further into it, or you can click on the link and go see for yourself.

Walking Over Alice's Grave - Chapter 2

The Miniskirt Enables Young Ladies To Run Faster And, Because Of It, They May Have To.

- John V. Lindsay

Gepetto and I soon left Zurich.  There was nothing left for me there, and I found it hard seeing Yuri’s grave every day.  We stayed just long enough for me to finish carving a tombstone.  It was rough and uneven, but I couldn’t let anyone else do it.  It was my job.

Gepetto and I moved to Domremy.  When the shock from Yuri's death had begun to wear off, I asked myself what I could do with my life. I had not forgotten the thought I had had as I was burying him. If Yuri's soul had any regrets it would still be hanging around, but where? His soul was not here with me, I knew that much.  Yuri had never seemed to get over losing his father – perhaps he was in Shanghai, where his father had died, or in Japan, where Yuri had grown up?  In China, where his mother died?  In Russia, where she came from?  In Wales, where we had talked with such joy among the ruins?

Would I search the entire earth for a soul that might have moved on already?

I have not replaced my hair ribbon; I feel that it would cheapen the one I gave to Yuri if I simply wore another one.  Instead, I keep my hair loose, about my shoulders.  In a larger town or city, I may have found myself accused of immodesty, but the people of Domremy are used to me.

. I still wear Yuri's father's coat, but the crucifix I left draped over his headstone.  It was the last thing I did before Gepetto and I left Zurich.  I spent hours there in vigil, hoping his soul would come to me, but it did not.

I am twenty-one now, but my birthday passed unnoticed, by me at least. Gepetto had a tailor make me new clothes and shoes, an expensive gift.  They are black, which is an appropriate colour for a widow.  Gepetto and I settled on that claim, as we were concerned I might be pregnant after the night Yuri and I spent together.  I was not, am not, and a part of me regrets it.  It would be wonderful to have a part of him still here with me, but thinking that way makes me feel like I am closer to accepting his death.  I don’t believe I will ever accept Yuri’s death, and I don’t want to.  I would give anything to have him alive again, even my own soul.  I will not simply accept that he is gone, after all we went through together.

I saw the inside of Yuri’s soul once.  After he took the Seraphic Radiance inside himself in Shanghai.  We found him in Bistritz, six months later, violent and confused.  Zhuzhen, Keith and I managed to subdue him, but as soon as we did, both Yuri and I fell unconscious.  I did not realize at the time that that was what had happened, of course – Keith and Zhuzhen told me later.

Yuri’s mind was a graveyard.  There were graves for each of his fusion monsters, each one linked to a feeling or memory of his.  I examined them, and was left with nothing more or less than a desire to protect him and keep him safe.

I saw a gate leading to another part of him; through it, I could see Yuri digging.  He didn’t respond when I called to him.  Searching for another way, I saw a doorway guarded by four masks.  I felt a deep sense of malice coming from the door, but with no way to reach Yuri, I headed towards it.  It was then that I began to hear someone calling my name.  I tried to ignore the voice – I knew I had to find a way to get to Yuri.  But, the world began swirling and dissolving as they called to me.  Turning back, I threw myself against the gates, again and again.  As they dissolved, I crashed through them, falling into Yuri.  We both fell into the hole he’d been digging.  We fell through the darkness for a long time before we awoke.

I woke up soaked to the skin, with Margarite slapping at my face.  She’d thrown icy water over me in an attempt to wake me.  Yuri sat next to me, quiet, subdued, but undeniably himself.  I gave him back his father’s necklace as soon as we had a quiet moment together.  I had hoped that it would cheer him a little, but it didn’t seem to.

Eventually, after a while in Domremy, I made up my mind to visit Zhuzhen. We had worked as exorcists and psychic investigators together, and with his years of experience, he may think of something I hadn’t.  He had also known Yuri’s father, and might well know where Yuri had grown up, and where his mother was buried.  His father had never had a grave, having been killed when he had tried to fuse with the Seraphic Radiance, years before Yuri had managed it. 

I had considered asking Koudelka, as her psychic powers were greater even than my own, but after the life she had had, it seemed best to let her in peace.  Besides, I had no idea how to find her.  I did, however, attempt to contact Margarite, in the hopes that she would accompany me.  She has always been a stronger fighter than I am alone, and I was wary of attempting a journey without her.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t find her either.

            Alone, I set out for Shanghai. War had been declared in Europe, but had not yet touched us; I hoped the town would be safe until I was able to return.

Walking Over Alice's Grave - Chapter 1

This is a fanfic I wrote about five years ago, exploring what could have happened if Yuri had died and Alice had lived in the first Shadow Hearts game.  The original is here; this is a rewrite.

I Can't Keep That Promise

Yuri Volte Hyuga, Shadow Hearts: Covenant

My dear, sweet Yuri is dead. He is dead. He is gone. I hope that by repeating this, the pain will be numbed, but no…it still hurts.  Yuri is gone. Just like my father, and my mother before him.

We were on a train, travelling to Zurich, my mother's hometown. I still had family there, and with no other pressing engagements, Zurich was the only place we had any reason to visit.  Yuri had no family, but if he did, I would have gone with him.  I would have followed him to the ends of the earth.  It is only fear of disappointing him that keeps me from following him into death.  He fought so hard for my life.

We had fallen asleep on the train; when I awoke, Yuri did not. I shook him, and I even slapped him, but he would not stir. I picked him up - he is so much lighter now, in death - and carried him off the train. I carried him as far as I could, then I placed him gently on the ground. I checked again that he was truly dead, and, oh god, he was, he was. I dug a hole with my bare hands, tears flowing down my face. 

It was only a few days ago that I kissed him for the first time, after our victory in Neameto.  I shake the memory from my head as I loosen my blue ribbon, but removing that ribbon brings back another memory, of the only time Yuri has ever seen me with my hair loose.  I grit my teeth, and tie the ribbon around his wrist.

Then I take the crucifix from my throat.  It belonged to Yuri’s mother, Anne.  She gave it to his father, who gave it to Quihua, a little girl he met. When we were in Shanghai, Quihua’s father gave it to Yuri.  Yuri gave it me. We had not known each other long at the time, but he was so caring.  He told me to wear it in battle. He said it always had a calming effect, and as I was not used to battles it might help me.  It did. Whenever I felt myself start to panic, to go berserk, I looked at the cross and more often than not, I would snap out of it and find another reserve of strength

.

I was undecided as to whether Yuri would want the cross or would prefer that I kept it. He loved me, I knew he did. This is not pure vanity. Last night, when he thought I was asleep, he whispered it to me. I very nearly was asleep, so I didn’t reply, only smiled a little. More than anything now, I wish I had answered him. I love him. I hope he knew that. I wish I'd told him. No, if I am to wish, I wish I could tell him right now, and he could answer. But the dead cannot answer.

That thought gives me pause.  I am an exorcist.

I had forgotten that, in the horror of this moment. I cannot call unwilling souls, souls that have passed over. Only those souls with regrets, those that are still here on this plane. Does Yuri have regrets? I wonder…

After defeating the godlet, Yuri, the others and I all hid the émigré away, and then stayed in Rouen for a while, while we planned for the future. It was…four or five days, I believe. Meiyuan brought Koudelka from London, and she and Halley stayed overnight in Rouen before heading to Le Havre to catch a boat to America. Koudelka and I shared a room. Margarite had a room to herself, as did Yuri. Margarite said she needed her privacy. Yuri refused to share with either Halley or Zhuzhen, on the grounds that one was an adolescent with too much energy and the other was a grumpy old man. I do not believe he was serious, but Yuri got his own room anyway. Margarite jokingly suggested that she share with him, at which point he hugged me and said that I was his woman. I blushed, but I do like it when he refers to me that way. It makes – made – me feel protected. The suffragettes would not agree with me, but I do not care. It is not – was not – a case of Yuri seeking to control me, he merely wanted to protect me.

I cannot believe he is gone.

Halley and Zhuzhen shared a room. Meiyuan wanted to share too, but Halley and Zhuzhen were very…definite…about that. I think Zhuzhen's words were "Over my dead body". Keith had already turned into a silver bat and flown back to his castle in Bistritz.

That night Koudelka told me about everything that had happened when she had first visited the Neameton Monastery, over a decade ago.  James O’Flaherty, a friend of my father’s had run into her there.  I had vague childhood memories of him as a serious man, one who disapproved of my mother.  I, in turn, disapproved of him.  Who was he not to like my mother?

Koudelka had run into Edward Branckett when she first entered Neameton.  He was Hally’s father.  Koudelka and Edward were close in age – nineteen and twenty, respectively.  Neither took to James O’Flaherty much, particularly as he was much older, in his forties, and prone to disagreeing with people. 

Patrick, the owner of Neameton, had been using the émigré manuscript in an attempt to revive his wife, Elaine.  Coincidentally, Elaine had also been James’ love, once, though Patrick had won her.  After her death, Patrick had gone mad with grief.  He committed numerous murders, in his attempts to make the spells in the émigré work as promised.  I heard of some of those murders, the ones where he hadn't been able to take the body away from the crime scene. The police never solved the case. Still, though it was evil, it was done out of love. I do not believe that the end justifies the means, but I believe the dead should rest in peace. Patrick has paid enough. I shall not be the one to give him away.

Koudelka and the others had found poor dead Patrick, rotting and run through with vines.  His wife had become an unholy horror; her body had revived, but her soul had not returned to it.  They realized that this creature had been the one to kill Patrick.  James’ sacrificed himself to save Koudelka and Edward.

That was the night Koudelka and Edward had become lovers. I asked her why. Did she love him?

She said that she didn’t know.  She was young, younger than I am now, and had honestly believed she was going to die.  I wonder if those are the things that brought Yuri and I together.

She also told me that Edward had made her feel normal.  I was fortunate in that my father was able to hide my powers, and I had not suffered.  Koudelka had been turned out by her family, hated and feared as a witch.  Feeling normal was unusual for her.

I see a little of Yuri in her words.  His mother was torn apart by their possessed neighbours right in front of him, and his father was killed when he tried to fuse with the Seraphic Radience.  Without them, he had been forced to fend for himself.  After watching his mother’s death at the hands of men he had known and trusted, it had taken him a long time to be able to trust anyone.

When I expressed these thoughts, Koudelka told me that that was why she’d sent Yuri to me.  She’d sensed the turmoil in his mind, as well as his strength.  She’d also felt drawn to me, due to the similarity of our powers.  She’d hoped we’d be able to help each other.

I blushed, and attempted to change the subject.  I asked why she was looking for Edward now.  Simply because he was Halley’s father?  Or was there something more to it?

Inside, I contemplated all the ways it could go wrong.  What if Edward had another family?  What if he pretended not to know her?

Koudelka picked up on my thoughts.  She has a most disconcerting habit of doing that.  She told me exactly what would happen to anyone who hurt her son, and I feared for Eddward Branckett if he wasn’t a good man.

She did not complete the sentence, but I wondered what it would be like to care for someone that much. I care for Yuri, of course, though in a different way than I would a child. He is older than me, by four years, though he does act like a child at times. I would not have him any other way.

The next day, Koudelka and Halley left, Zhuzhen going with them.  He was headed to Shanghai, and Le Havre was a good place to start from.

Koudelka looked at me, then Yuri with a strange expression on her face, before hugging us both and saying goodbye.  I wonder if she knew then what was going to happen?  I hate that she didn’t warn me, didn’t try to stop it, even though, logically, I know she couldn’t have done anything.

Margarite stayed in Rouen with us for a while. She asked me how I was feeling, whether I felt ill in any way whatsoever. I wondered why she was so concerned; as far as I could see, there was no cause for it.  She left Rouen the day before Yuri and I did.  She gave me one of her pistols when we said goodbye, told me to use it for my own protection.  I thanked her, but I did not think I would have need of it.

That was yesterday.  Last night, Yuri and I shared a room, and a bed.  Last night, Yuri told me he loved me.  Last night, Yuri was alive.

I am thinking about these stupid, irrelevant things to keep myself from crying, but it isn’t working!  Oh, Yuri, Yuri, how could you leave me again?! In those months after you disappeared in Shanghai I had hope.  I hadn’t seen you dead, so there was hope that you were out there somewhere.  But now, your corpse is in front of me, growing colder. 

I cling to him, crying, sobbing.  “Please don’t leave me!  Please, Yuri!”

He can’t be dead.  How can he be dead?  He was alive, only a few hours ago.  I fell asleep in his loving arms, and woke up wrapped in a corpse.  I pray that I am dreaming.  I pray that the universe is mistaken, and that, soon, it will fix itself, and everything will be all right, and I’ll tell Yuri I thought he was dead, and he’ll laugh…

I howl at the sky, like an animal.  There is no other response.  My lover lies dead in my arms.

He had given me his father's coat on the train, told me to keep it forever.  He couldn't have known he was leaving me when he said that.  He couldn't.

I think that I should give it the coat back; he might be cold. But, he told me to keep it. He wrapped it around me and told me to keep it.

I lay him gently in the grave, placing his hands over his chest.  My ribbon curls around his wrist.

His pendant is still around his neck. The gem is a dull red colour, like dried blood.  Feeling guilty, I gently unclasp it and place it around my own neck.  I already have his coat, I know.  But I need more.  I need to keep more of him.  Dear god, I would keep all of him if I could.

His eyes are closed. I felt a morbid desire to open them, to see his eyes in death, to find another way to prove it to myself.  I keep trying to prove myself wrong.

His eyes were flat and grey, with nothing of their usual warmth.  I closed his eyelids and kissed him.  Then I turned away and began covering him over.  I didn’t let myself think, else I couldn’t have done it at all.

When I had finished I stood over the – the grave, oh god, it’s Yuri’s grave - and I opened the small bible my father had left me. I said a short prayer. The wind had begun to blow now and my hair blew in front of my eyes, obscuring my view. The wind tore my words from me the instant I said them, snatching them away.

Eventually, pushing my hair back with one hand, holding Yuri's necklace with the other, I screamed at the sky "I commend his soul to any God worthy of it!"

I was left panting.  I screamed again, no words, just raw emotion spilling out of my mouth. I ended up kneeling in front of Yuri's grave crying as though my heart would break. I had no hope now. Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind me.

"What's all the screaming for, girl?" It was a man, speaking French. I turned and saw…no.  Even after all these years, he was unmistakable.  I was astonished by the coincidence, even though I’d come here trying to find him.

"Uncle Geppeto?"

He peered at me through the gloom, adjusting his glasses. "Uncle - Alice? Is that you?"

I nodded. "Yes," I sniffed a little, and wiped the tears from my face. It was raining now, so the gesture was more for effect than anything else.

He hobbled toward me. "Whatever's happened?"

I sniffed again, trying to hold back the tears. "Yuri. It's Yuri. He's gone,"

He put his arm around me. "Come home with me. I haven't seen you in years. Now, tell me, who's Yuri? Someone special to you?"

I nodded and started crying again as he took me back to his home.