A fake boyfriend taught how to interact by the internet? How can that possibly go wrong?
Before we get into that, let's talk about the app itself. It was removed when the controversy over the chat stirred up, but is now back in a new form, Boyfriend Plus. I downloaded it immediately, just to see what would happen. It's free, and theoretically, it's rated for ages 4 and up. Like hell it's suitable for ages 4 and up. I found it hilarious, but I knew what I was letting myself in for. Do not, under any circumstances show this app to a child. Do not show it to anyone without warning them. The content can be quite threatening, and references rape and paedophilia, amongst other things, both subjects which can be incredibly triggering to people.Okay, first thing. You load up the app, and you're introduced to a new boy, who you can name. Let's go with Vivienne (I know the image says Luke. That was before I learned that Vivienne is more suitable).
The first thing the app encourages you to do? 'Flirt' with him. By which it means kiss and stroke. On the cheek and shoulder respectively, but still, that's pretty far for the first few minutes of meeting.
You're then encouraged to dress your boy up by buying him accessories (fake money, not real money). You see why I said Vivienne was a good name for him?
Once you've dressed up your escort, you take him out to dinner. The game rewards you for getting him to say certain words or phrases, in my case, 'hi', 'merry Christmas' and 'Happy New Year'. I didn't bother with those. Instead, when I asked my escort what he thought of those lovely gifts I just bought him (my man gots to look nice) he threw a racial slur at me.
....okaaaaay. Moving on. He brought up some random name, and told me she was the most beautiful girl in the world (what have people been teaching him?). When I complained, he told me he loved me, then laughed in my face when I replied with an astonished "You love me?". Then he demanded cookies. So just like a real man then. Also, dude, we're at a restaurant, I'm not going to just cook for you. That's insulting to the staff.
So, I called him a creep. He replied with "So are you. You stalk your crush. Don't lie".
...finally. A man who understands me.
On our second date, I began by asking him why on earth he'd told a virtual stranger (well, I'm real; he's virtual) that he loved them. He said he didn't know and apologised. I told him I might forgive him. Then I accused him of being an erotomaniac. He seemed oddly pleased about that.
It was when I asked him to stop stalking me that things went a little weird. In short; I appear to be tied up by a psychopath who is ranting on about tumblr. And laughing at me.
Something to mention at this point; talking on a date costs energy, which is refreshed by time. It takes approximately four hours to refill your energy bar. You can pay fake money to refill it, for $200 a pop (this will be relevant later). You start with $1000, and are occasionally awarded more for things like getting your boyfriend to say those key words I mentioned earlier. You also get $1 (or whatever currency they use) every time you talk to a random guy on the street. Speaking of guys on the street, I think I'm the only woman on this bizarre world. This probably explains why I'm tied up.
I asked him to stop. He said "no!". I said "yes!". Then he turned nice again, and asked me to be in a relationship. When I refused he "grab[ed] an old scarf and shove[d] it in [my] mouth placing the tape over it again".
See the key word in that sentence?
Again.
Crazy fucking bastard had me gagged before!
I struggled. He seemed to enjoy it. Then I headbutted him, and....
Ran out of energy.
Will our intrepid heroine escape from the psycopathic, pretty, Phantom of Dudeworld? Will Vivienne the Psycho ever stop staring? What happened to the cookies?
Tune in next time to find out!
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